This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog,
busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!
Now read without the word dog.....
......................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Human: What is a century like to you?
God: It is like s second.
Human: What is billion dollars like to you?
God: Like a penny...
Human: Can i have a penny?
God: Sure, just wait for a second...
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Judge – You are crossing the limits.
Lawyer – Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge – How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer – My Lord, I said kaun ‘Sa Law’ aisa kehta hai?
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who
immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking
through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the
mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later,
the farmer stood near the casket and greeted
folks as they walked by.
The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would
whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "Yes" and say
something.
Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would
shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked
the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my
head and say, 'Yes, it was.'
The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake
my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the
wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the
doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear
up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.
So he turned to the mental
patient and said, "I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting
do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on
your shirt?' He yelled back, 'OHIO STATE!'
And they say blondes are dumb!
.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a
broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm
a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I
didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you
how."
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 2005
Bugatti Veyron. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it
sets him back $1.24M. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops
for a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old)
pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of
the car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"
The young man replies "A 2005 Bugatti Veyron. It cost $1.24M."
"That's a lot of money" says the old man,
shocked. "Why does it cost so much?
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the
cool dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside? "Sure," replies the owner.
So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man
says "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then, the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and
within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 MPH.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He
slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whoooosh! Something whips
by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Bugatti?" the young
man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite
direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! "Couldn't
be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Bugatti?"
Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror!
Whooooosh!
Ka-bbblammm! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing
the rear end. The young man jumps out, and good grief, it is the old man!!! Of
course the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the
dying old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for
you?"
The old man groans and replies "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your
side-view mirror!"
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Jesus and Saint Paul are sitting in Heaven, talking about the pollution on
Earth and wondering what can be done about mankind's filthy ways. Jesus says
he's going to pop down to Skegness to see the situation for himself, and Paul
agrees to join him.
When they get there, Jesus asks what the huge metal pipe is
for. Paul tells him it's used to take human waste out to sea where the muck
kills dolphins, so Jesus decides to take action and strides across the waves.
Walking alongside, Paul is soon knee-deep in filthy water, while Jesus scoots
along on top of the sea. Ever hopeful of some help he slogs on, and Jesus keeps
walking on water... but soon the water is up to Paul's chin. "Master," he calls,
"I will follow you anywhere, but I'm up to my neck in shitty water and I think
I'm going to drown."
At this Jesus stops walking and looks at Paul. "Well," he
says, "why don't you just walk on the pipe like me, you silly
prick?"
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the
door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the
morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls
over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was
drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost.
It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes
back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't
very nice of you.
Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick
the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house
to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the
right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and
goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger
anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??" And he hears a voice cry
out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And
the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."
...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across
the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately
the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as
well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of
the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so
awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the
side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what's
wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and
killed it."
The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray
can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the
contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two
of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down
the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and
waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of
sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in
that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so
that the man can read the label.
It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."
.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The
driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the
footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said,
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your
fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral
van for the last 25 years."
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100,
completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I
do now?"
A gent next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly
suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great
commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won!
Rushing back to the table and pushing his way
through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with
the table operator kneeling over her.
He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know, buddy.... She put all
her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!"
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog!
Now read without the word dog.....
......................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Human: What is a century like to you?
God: It is like s second.
Human: What is billion dollars like to you?
God: Like a penny...
Human: Can i have a penny?
God: Sure, just wait for a second...
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Judge – You are crossing the limits.
Lawyer – Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai?
Judge – How dare you call me saala?
Lawyer – My Lord, I said kaun ‘Sa Law’ aisa kehta hai?
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who
immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking
through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the
mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.
At the funeral service a few days later,
the farmer stood near the casket and greeted
folks as they walked by.
The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would
whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "Yes" and say
something.
Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would
shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked
the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my
head and say, 'Yes, it was.'
The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake
my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the
wall and listen. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day. So the
doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear
up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.
So he turned to the mental
patient and said, "I don't hear anything."
The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting
do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on
your shirt?' He yelled back, 'OHIO STATE!'
And they say blondes are dumb!
.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a
broom, and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm
a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I
didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you
how."
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 2005
Bugatti Veyron. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it
sets him back $1.24M. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops
for a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old)
pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of
the car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"
The young man replies "A 2005 Bugatti Veyron. It cost $1.24M."
"That's a lot of money" says the old man,
shocked. "Why does it cost so much?
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the
cool dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside? "Sure," replies the owner.
So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man
says "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then, the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and
within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 MPH.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He
slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whoooosh! Something whips
by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Bugatti?" the young
man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite
direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! "Couldn't
be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Bugatti?"
Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror!
Whooooosh!
Ka-bbblammm! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing
the rear end. The young man jumps out, and good grief, it is the old man!!! Of
course the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the
dying old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for
you?"
The old man groans and replies "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your
side-view mirror!"
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Jesus and Saint Paul are sitting in Heaven, talking about the pollution on
Earth and wondering what can be done about mankind's filthy ways. Jesus says
he's going to pop down to Skegness to see the situation for himself, and Paul
agrees to join him.
When they get there, Jesus asks what the huge metal pipe is
for. Paul tells him it's used to take human waste out to sea where the muck
kills dolphins, so Jesus decides to take action and strides across the waves.
Walking alongside, Paul is soon knee-deep in filthy water, while Jesus scoots
along on top of the sea. Ever hopeful of some help he slogs on, and Jesus keeps
walking on water... but soon the water is up to Paul's chin. "Master," he calls,
"I will follow you anywhere, but I'm up to my neck in shitty water and I think
I'm going to drown."
At this Jesus stops walking and looks at Paul. "Well," he
says, "why don't you just walk on the pipe like me, you silly
prick?"
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the
door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the
morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls
over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was
drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost.
It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes
back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't
very nice of you.
Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick
the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house
to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the
right thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and
goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger
anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push??" And he hears a voice cry
out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And
the stranger replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."
...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across
the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately
the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as
well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of
the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so
awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the
side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what's
wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and
killed it."
The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray
can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the
contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two
of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down
the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and
waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of
sight.
The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in
that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so
that the man can read the label.
It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."
.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The
driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the
footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said,
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your
fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral
van for the last 25 years."
................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
A lady is having a bad day at the tables in Vegas. Down to her last $100,
completely exasperated, she cries, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I
do now?"
A gent next to her, trying to calm her down a bit, calmly
suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his he is intrigued to hear a great
commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won!
Rushing back to the table and pushing his way
through the crowd, he is stunned to see the lady lying limp on the floor, with
the table operator kneeling over her.
He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know, buddy.... She put all
her money on 29. When 36 came up she fainted!"
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................